Friendship In Trials

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

(I have been reading though the Bible this year, and in February while in first Samuel, I was inspired to write this blog post. This blog post does not have a song it is more a documentation of an insight I have gained and want to share with others.)

For half of the book of 1 Samuel, David is hunted. Saul attempts murder on him countless times. It gets so bad that David comes up with a plan of leaving the palace because he fears for his life. This is a huge decision. This is more than just moving. This is becoming a refuge. David knows he is not safe where he is, but his wife is in the palace, his best friend, and all his wealth. If he left, he would have to leave all of that. 

David could not make this choice alone. He desired to make it as a response to real danger not fear. But David was not alone in this huge choice. In 1 Samuel 20 we see this conversation unfold.

“Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to kill me?”

“Never!” Jonathan replied. “You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without letting me know. Why would he hide this from me? It isn’t so!”

But David took an oath and said, “Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, ‘Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.’ Yet as surely as the Lord lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death.”

Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.”” — 1 Samuel 20:1-4 (Bold added.)

Jonathan is Saul’s son, which means that now David is a brother-in-law and his best friend. Jonathan probably spent his teenage years in companionship with David. They were already great friends when David comes to him and asks in frustration what he has done. David knew that Jonathan would be willing to hear his frustrations and help him. 

Jonathan’s response is one of true love and dedication to this friendship. He knows his friend well enough that he can say “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.” That is a very strong thing to say. He did not take those words lightly, because he knew what David would ask would not be outrageous, it would be a way to help David. He fulfills these words by going to the party and reporting on his father’s reactions when David does not arrive. Later he goes into the field where David is hiding and shoots arrows to the south side of the stone confirming David needed to flee (See 1 Samuel 20:20-36). In the next pice of conversation we see Jonathan’s fear and grief. 

“When the boy came to the place where Jonathan’s arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, “Isn’t the arrow beyond you?” Then he shouted, “Hurry! Go quickly! Don’t stop!” The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. (The boy knew nothing about all this; only Jonathan and David knew.) Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, “Go, carry them back to town.”” — 1 Samuel 20:37-40. 

He shouted at this boy. The way Jonathan was battling his grief was with anger. Because he was shouting and because David saw the arrow fall, David already knew. I have to imagine that his heart was broken. I can just see him crying behind the rock wanting the servant boy to hurry away so that he could embrace his friend. In the next verse we see this play out. 

“After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.” — 1 Samuel 20:41

Jonathan was a friend David could sob with. They both cried, but in the moment Jonathan was the stronger one. Yes, he cried too, but David did more. Jonathan cried for David. That is a true friendship. He was so deeply impacted by David’s hardship that it brought him to tears as well. Jonathan knew David’s grief. This quote about friendship and grief describes what Jonathan did. 

“Our grieving friends need our presence, not our words. Words are lame in moments such as these.” —Treasured Friends by Ann Hibbard, page 110

Jonathan entered the grief. Once the tears had slowed, he said this: 

“Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” — 1 Samuel 20:42

He encouraged David before David left. He filled him up with a promise with God as a witness. 

In the next to sections I want to write something to “the David” in a relationship and “the Jonathan.”

David

You are not a burden. It can be so tempting to feel that way. You feel like you are a wight on friends by telling them about your frustrations and struggles. I totally get it, I feel more like David most of the time! This quote by C.S Lewis sums up how we should feel about laying our hearts on our friends.

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” — C.S Lewis. 

Find and keep at least one close friend that you can lay your heart on. David only had one. Thankfully, we have two because Jesus can now live in us and with us. Proverbs talks about what a close friend like Jonathan looks like. 

“A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of need.” — Proverbs 17:17

Grow a friendship that will be as close as a sibling. Someone who knows you fully and compassionately. Who is there in a time of need. David does not cry alone, he cries with his best friend, who becomes a brother in that time of distress and need. 

Don’t feel like you are a burden because if your friend is truly as close as a brother, then they will be willing to help in a time of need. We all need the encouragement of others. You just might need it more in this season, and that is okay. Show your thanks and gratitude towards them in this time but also don’t feel like a burden. 

Jonathan

You have a beautiful job. You get to enter a hurt that they don’t want anyone else to enter. The Bible says: 

“Greater love has no on than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.” — John 15:13

You are showing an ultimate kind of love. You are putting off your plans and your dreams to support this friend. That is truly laying down your life. Your tears for your friend’s hurt are the most amazing kind of healing. They are deeper than words could ever go. They show that you love them so much you feel their pain. You have such a special roll in that suffering. Thank you for laying down your life for your friend. 

Later in 1 Samuel we see David and Jonathan reunited. David is still on the run and fighting battles. 

“And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.” — 1 Samuel 23:16 (Bold added)

When you are with a hurting friend, your encouragement matters. It might not be best to encourage right away, Jonathan did not encourage him right away, first he kissed him and cried, but encouragement needs to come at some point. It is two chapters later that he meets David again and encourages him. Also realize Jonathan encourages and helps David find God’s strength. Encouraging them to find God in the hurt is one of the best things you can do. A lot of times while you are still in the pain with them, you can see how God is working it all out. But you as a friend who has entered the pain with them, yet is still on the outside, will receive huge insights in the way God is working. Encourage your friend with the things God is doing in their life. God’s strength is really what will get them through. 

Thank you for laying down yourself, entering the hurt, and encouraging them with God’s word. It is truly changes the pain and making it more bearable. Thank you for being a friend that is a close as a brother. 

Closing thoughts

“Because true friendship touches us in the deepest part of our being, it has the power to change us—radically and irrevocably. Love always transforms the beloved, and a true friendship filled up with love cannot help but change the lives of both friends.”— Treasured Friends by Ann Hibbard, page 191

Whether you are a David or a Jonathan, love is uniting you together and I believe that it is chaining both of you in ways you could never imagine. Colossians say:

“and over all put on love, which binds them all together in prefect unity.” — Colossians 3:14 

Love is binding you together just like Jonathan and David. Make your center God and then support each other in pain, struggles, and fear. True friendship is going to touch the deep place in us. 

I strongly encourage you to share this with your close friend. If you are a David, make sure to thank them for their support and encouragement. If you are a Jonathan, go encourage your David again, whether that is in tears and hugs or in words of God’s strength. You both are growing closer.